Access: NewAge note:
The following astrological humor was sent to us by a droll soul on the festival mail list, Lee Miller ( These are painfully funny to us and we hope you enjoy them. Please send any seriously funny astrological "knock knock" jokes.

Astrological Light Bulb Jokes

How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
  • None. Arians aren't afraid of the dark.
  • Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs. (*smash* *pop* *crash*)

How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
  • None; Tauruses never want to change anything.
  • One, but just *try* to convince them that the burned out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Two. Plus a portable phone, an internet link, and a copy of the "Bluffer's Guide to Changing Lightbulbs."
  • Two (of course) but it will take all week, and when they're done the lightbulb will do your homework, speak French, and shine any color you want it to.
  • Two, but they never change it - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done.

How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Just one, but it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process.
  • Just one, and they'll use a non-disposable diaper, too!
  • None: A Cancerian would worry himself to death with the problem.

How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Leos don't change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agents get a Virgo in to do it for them while they're out.
  • One: He holds the bulb and the world spins around him.
  • None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Virgos don't have time to change their own lightbulbs, they're too busy changing them for everyone else.
  • Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
  • Let's see, one to spot the bulb, one to record the time the bulb burned out and the date it was purchased, one to decide who's fault it is that the bulb burned out and ask why that brand was chosen in the first place, ten to decide to remodel the house as long as they're changing the bulb....

How many Libras does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Er, two, or, maybe one. No--on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
  • Why change the bulb? Isn't it more romantic in the dark?
  • Well gee, I don't know really. I guess it depends on the bulb, and where it burned out. It might perhaps just take one if it's just an ordinary bulb, or maybe two if the person doesn't know where to find a new bulb, or....

How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • None -- they'd rather sit in the dark.
  • Why do you want to know? Are you a cop?
  • That information is strictly secret and only shared with the inner members of the hierarchical order.

How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Look, as me when I get back from India, OK?
  • The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got out whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out lightbulb?
  • A whole bunch: You can only keep them in the room long enough for each of them to give the bulb a quarter turn.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • None. Capricorns can't afford new lightbulbs -- unless they're a legitimate business expense.
  • I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
  • None. Why should I bother? It's probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.

How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so....
  • A hundred, but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light into the world.
  • Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.

How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • What lightbulb?
  • Huh? The light's out?
  • None: They concern themselves with inner light.

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