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ATHEISM: No s--t.
BUDDHISM: "If s--t happens, it really isn't s--t."
CALVINISM: S--t happens because you don't work hard enough.
CATHOLICISM: S--t happens because you are BAD.
CEREMONIAL MAGIC: I can make s--t Happen.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: S--t is only in your mind.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say: "s--t happens."
EXISTENSIALISM: What is this s--t anyway?
FUNDAMENTALISM: BIG s--t will happen... SOON!
HARE KRISHNA: S--t happens Rama Rama.
HEDONISM: There's nothing like good s--t happening.
HINDUISM: This s--t happened before.
ISLAM: "If s--t happens, it is the will of Allah."
JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: Let us save you from the s--t.
JUDAISM: Why does s--t always happen to US?
MOONIES: Only happy s--t really happens.
MORMONISM: If s--t Happens, you have two wives to blame it on.
NEW AGE: Visualize no s--t happening.
PAGANISM: S--t is a part of the Goddess too!
PROTESTANTISM: S--t won't happen if I work harder.
QUAKERS: "No s--t here, please."
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke some s--t.
SANTERIA: S--t Happens to your goat.
SATANISM: Sneppah T--s.
SCIENTOLOGY: Feces Occurs.
STOICISM: S--t is good for me.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTISTS: No s--t on Saturdays.
TAOISM: S--t happens.
TELEVANGELISM: Send money or s--t will happen to you!
WICCANISM: "Oh s--t, I got that spell wrong again."
YAWEHS: S--t Happens to white folks.
ZEN: What is the sound of s--t happening?
ZOROASTRIANISM: S--t happens half the time.
The above is a kind of modern folklore.
It has been circulating around for many years, with various authors adding an item or two.
My friend Ed, a former Jesuit Scholastic, says it is quite accurate.
Email us to suggest additional items. (Put "Humor" in the subject-line.)

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