Hero Instinct: What Is It And How to Trigger It?

The Hero Instict is part of a man’s primal instinct to assume that masculine role in a relationship. 

Men do plenty of things to express their unconditional love and commitment towards their partners. One of them is the desire to protect her and make sure that she is safe and feels loved. He wants to be there to save her from any form of danger. It sounds like a fantasy but this does apply to real life. It’s referred to by relationship experts and psychologists as the ‘hero instinct’.

 If you are fascinated by this concept, then you have come to the right place. Discover what triggers a man’s hero instinct and gain unique insight into how it can forge a healthy relationship and how it affects your everyday life and relationship.

Introduction to Hero Instinct

Women love the idea of being pampered by a grown man. On the other hand, men want to showcase themselves as a real hero. It is every man’s desire to be there for his woman, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Picture this: the concept of famed superheroes like the Avengers and Batman are all about masculine energy. The hero instinct is no different. Men want to be there for his woman as everyday heroes. While he might not be wearing a cape or fighting villains to save the planet, experts in relationship psychology agree that every man has that desire to become an inner hero.

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 But don’t be fooled by the Hollywood concept of what a hero should be. There are other ways that a grown man can be a relationship hero. It’s part of every man’s biological drive to feel needed and wanted. It also boosts a man’s self esteem.

 Highly trained relationship coaches claim that the hero instinct boils down to three things:

  • The desire to provide for those whom he cares about, especially that important woman in his life.
  • The need to be respected by those around him.
  • The need to be appreciated for the efforts in his romantic relationships and to live a meaningful life.

The hero instinct in a man can be triggered by any or a combination of the above. Therefore, hero instinct means different from one person to another. It is important that you know the common phrases to trigger the hero instinct in your man, which you will learn more of later on. 

History of the ‘Hero Instinct’ Concept

But first, you need to know how the concept of the ‘hero instinct’ started and who coined the term in the first place. Relationship coach James Bauer is the one who coined this term through his best-selling book “His Secret Obsession.”

As a relationship coach, Bauer has worked with men and woman who wanted his unique insight specific advice for their relationship problems, and those who would like to strengthen their relationship. Bauer has analyzed various relationship dynamics but he was particularly interested in the male psychology. He even insisted in his book “His Secret Obsession” that to trigger his hero instinct is one of the secrets to a lasting and healthy relationship.

Why a Man Wants to Be Your Hero

To understand how certified relationship coach James Bauer has come to his conclusion on the “hero instinct,” it is important to delve closer into a man’s drive for genuine appreciation and to become a relationship hero.

When a guy is in love and in a committed relationship, he becomes protective of those who he cares about. In this case, he develops a fondness towards his partner and do his best to make sure she is safe and loved. This is the heart and soul of the male psychology that Bauer discovered in his study.

For example, if you have an argument with another person, a man’s hero instinct will make him want to defend you, regardless if you are right or wrong. Another example is when you cross the road, it is instinctive for a man to walk towards the traffic so that you are protected from any danger. Men do not make these decisions – most of the time. He does it out of instinct – a biological drive.

In some cases, even men who have not expressed their love towards their woman would perform such actions. Their actions manifest their fondness towards another person. Therefore, it is easy to tell if a man has affection for you because it shows in his actions. His masculine energy will fuel that desire to act like a real hero. 

Ways to Trigger the Hero Instinct

As a woman, you want to become the top priority in your relationship. You like the feeling of being pampered and having your man be protective of you. If you want to experience this, you should trigger the hero instinct in your man. Whether you are having a tough patch or have unsatisfying relationships with your man, you only need to understand the phrases and situations that will trigger his inner hero, according to a relationship psychology expert. 

1. Give him lots of compliments.

As mentioned above, it is a man’s desire to feel wanted and appreciated. Research even proves that men love to receive compliments. Unfortunately, it is not common for women in a relationship to shower their partners with compliments – it is often the other way around. It’s time to change things up if you want to keep your man happy and to trigger that instinct to become the hero in your relationship.

It is natural to have this feeling, especially if you are in a romantic relationship. Getting compliments is a way to affirm your commitment in the relationship. Even a grown man likes to hear it from time to time.

 When you give compliment to a man, it’s another way to tell him that you think he’s special and that you want them to know that. A compliment also lets him know that he has that something that you like that you don’t find in anybody else.

When was the last time that you’ve given your man a compliment? It’s time to make this a habit. Give him at least one compliment a day. Whether it’s his hair, or what he’s wearing, or his smile – show him genuine appreciation and he’ll feel the love. A simple compliment can make a huge impact in his self esteem and that will make him more interested in you. 

The most important thing about giving compliments to a man is to make it genuine. Don’t try to make up compliments for the sake of it – he will be able to tell! Moreover, make your compliments appropriate for the context or your situation. On the other hand, try not to overdo with the praises as it can seem fake or forced.

2. Ask for his help

A hero is someone who is there when you need them. They always save the day!

Your man could also feel like a real hero if you ask for his help. This might be confusing to some because they might think that asking their partners for help can be bothersome, if not annoying. But don’t think twice if you actually do need your partner’s help. Most men are willing to take on the opportunity to prove themselves as a hero. It is also one of the most effective ways to trigger that hero instinct. 

You can ask for his help in doing even the simplest things, such as fixing the faucet or the cabinet. But it doesn’t have to be about the manly chores at home. You can also ask for his help, such as an advice about a work dispute or some career issues. It’s okay to open up to your man about personal or work issues as asking for their opinion on that can also make them feel valued. It shows that you appreciate their opinion and want to let them have a hand in making those important decisions. 

Whatever it is that you need a fix for, a man will most likely step in to the rescue. If you do this often, it will not only make him feel like a hero but it can also strengthen your bond in the relationship.

3. Appreciate Him in Front of Others

As mentioned above, it is important to compliment your man for small or big things that he has done for you. You can take that to the next level by giving him praise and showing him appreciation in front of others.

This is a big step in your relationship when you recognize what your man has done for you, especially in front of other people. It feeds your man’s ego and that primal desire to feel wanted. By giving him praise in public, it shows how proud you are to have him in your life – and to be in a relationship with your man. 

This will especially make an impact if you give him praise in front of your family and your friends. When you show him appreciation in front of this intimate circle, you know that it comes from a place of sincerity and honesty.

Try not to be awkward when praising him in front of others. Keep it short but relevant. Also, try to stay on topic so that it does not appear like you are trying hard to impress him. Let him feel how you value having him in your life.

4. Celebrate His Wins

A healthy relationship is one wherein two individuals support each other’s goals and celebrate each other’s accomplishments. One of the best ways to trigger his hero instinct is to celebrate his successes in life.

Did he get a promotion in his job? Did he purchase a new property? Or has he completed his masteral degree?

Whatever it is that he has successfully done in his life, make sure you’re his biggest fan. Show how much you appreciate him by celebrating these special moments with him. This is a great way to make him feel that his efforts don’t go unnoticed. 

By showing him the support in his endeavors in life, you encourage him to do better and to strive to achieve more. Your support will not only trigger that instinct to become a hero in your relationship, but also help him overcome any challenges or obstacles that come his way.

5. Let him see that he makes you happy

One of the best ways to trigger the hero instinct in a man is to let him know that he completes your life. If he makes you happy, make sure he knows it.

When you enter into a relationship, one of your primary goals is to make your partner happy and satisfied in every aspect of your relationship. It could be physical, sexual, or emotional.

The ability to fulfill that need in your partner can boost a man’s confidence and self esteem. It is also a surefire way to unlock that hero instinct because it confirms that he is doing it right.

Show him that he makes you happy in both your words and actions. Smile and laugh often. Speak to him about how he makes you happy. Do not leave him second-guessing. If you enjoy being in his company, don’t be afraid to show it.

6. Be Vulnerable

Expressing your vulnerabilities can be scary, especially for women. You do not want to be vulnerable, even in front of your partner, because you do not want to be taken advantage of. A lot of women (particularly those that have been hurt in the past) like to put on a guard and rarely express their emotions to their partner in fear of being hurt again. 

However, it is important that you do that if you want to trigger a man’s hero instinct. It is completely fine to open up to your man about your fears and the emotions you are feeling, as long as you are being authentic about your feelings.

Men will appreciate it when you are willing to be vulnerable around them. It makes them feel that you are comfortable around them enough to let your guard down. At the same time, it makes them feel that you trust them to not betray you or use your emotions for their own self-gain.

When you unleash your man’s primal instinct to become a hero, they will honor that vulnerability by paying you with respect, sincerity, and loyalty. This can have an even bigger impact on your man if you’ve shown yourself to be an independent and strong woman. He will appreciate your vulnerabilities even more. 

7. Respect His Boundaries

It is also part of a man’s primal instinct to be the dominant figure in a relationship. Therefore, most men do not like the idea of being controlled by their partner. They want to make their own decisions and pursue whatever it is that they enjoy doing in life.

One of the best ways to trigger a man’s hero instinct is to respect his boundaries. Honor the traditional gender roles by allowing him to pursue manly hobbies and giving him the freedom to choose his path in life.

Remember, you should be there to support and encourage his goals in life. This requires that you respect his boundaries and try not to step on his toes. Every committed relationship should have boundaries so make sure you honor yours. 

8. Shower him love and attention

A man likes to pamper their woman with love and affection. This could include giving her flowers on special occasions and taking her on dates. However, women should also extend the same to their men, especially if you want to unleash that hero instinct in him.

First, you need to know what makes him feel loved and strive to give him that. Does he like it when you cook for him? Does he like that you massage him to get him to fall asleep faster? It’s the simple gestures that you do that show him how much you love and care for him.

Showering him with love and affection also means giving him your undivided attention. When he comes home from work, make sure to be present. Be there for him and use every chance you get to spend quality time together. Put your phone down and ask him how his day was. It’s important that you make him your priority when you are together. 

9. Challenge Him

Men love a good challenge. It excites them.

This step is also a great way to make him feel like a real hero. It’s important that you keep him in his toes from time to time. When they manage to tackle a challenge, it gives them a sense of self-pride and greater motivation.

It’s important to note that challenging him is not the same as making him chase after you. Your goal is the former and not the latter. It’s also a great way to keep him excited about your relationship. Make him feel secured in your relationship but also make him have to work to keep your relationship strong and committed.

When challenging him, make sure to put him in situations that would let him showcase his talents and skills. Give him the opportunity to rise to the occasion and impress you. 

10. Make Decisions Together

When making decisions that involve your relationship, it is important to do it together. Before you make any decision, always ask for his opinion.

There is a two-fold benefit to this. The first one is that you can show him that you value his opinion and you want him to have an input on any decision that affects your relationship. Second, it also strengthens your bond because it fosters trust among each other and a deeper connection.

This will boost your hero drive even more because it makes him feel like a valued part of the relationship, not just another person you spend time with. Furthermore, making conjugal decisions is one way to showcase that you are serious about the relationship. 

Hero Instinct Phrases and Triggers

Choosing the right words and phrases to use when talking to your man is a great way to trigger his hero instinct. Here are some example phrases to trigger the hero instinct in your man: 

·         Thanks for driving me home. I hate waiting in line for the bus!

·         The flowers you sent were beautiful. It made my day!

·         I love that shirt on you. It’s my favorite!

·         That dinner was the best! I always look forward to your cooking.

·         Thanks for a great day. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!

·         My computer is acting up. Think you can fix it?

Benefits of Unleashing the Hero Instinct 

Why would you want to awaken his hero instinct? There are several benefits that you can get from it, such as the following:

  • It helps to keep a man interested and committed in your relationship. This is especially true once the initial attraction wears off. The hero instinct can strengthen and maintain that bond between a man and a woman.
  • It helps men to commit to a relationship for the long-term and to gain appreciation for their current relationship.
  • It encourages a healthy and supportive relationship wherein both parties’ needs are met and satisfied.
  • It helps to rekindle the passion in your relationship, especially if your partner lose interest in you.


It’s human nature and a deep biological drive that makes men desire the feeling of being wanted and needed in a relationship. Make sure you feed into that desire and make it work for you and your relationship. 

The more you understand how the hero instinct works, the better you can use it to your advantage. Use the information provided here, as well as the triggers, to transform unsatisfying relationships into one that is stable and loving for the long-term.

Truly understanding Hero Instinct: What Is It And How to Trigger It? could mean the difference between great happiness and misery down the line. Find a psychic medium near you today, whether you’re in New York City, Chicago, Utah, Seattle in the US, or somewhere completely different, you can get the expert guidance you deserve. Don’t forget you can also get a psychic email reading at low cost, or try the best online psychic reading sites  such as Kasamba, Oranum, PsychicOz, Bitwine, Everclear Psychic and more.


FAQs on Hero Instinct

How do you trigger a guy’s hero instinct?

There are plenty of ways to trigger a man’s hero instinct but it all boils down to making him feel wanted and appreciated. Relationship coach and psychology expert James Bauer also revealed the 12-word text that appeals to a man’s biological drive. According to Bauer, this text can trigger a man’s hero instinct in just a few minutes.

What are the hero instinct words?

The hero instinct words are known as the text that you must sent to your male partner if you want to trigger the hero instinct. This 12-word text is created by James Bauer.

Is James Bauer “His Secret Obsession” Worth It?

It depends on what you need in your romantic relationship. If you feel that you lose interest in your man or vice versa, or you want to unleash a man’s desire to become a real hero, then you can use the unique insight from his book to understand the male psychology. If you follow the tips in the “His Secret Obsession” book by relationship coach James Bauer, he’ll feel genuine appreciation and commitment to your relationship.

Is the hero instinct a real thing?

Yes. It is a concept that was derived on the study of male psychology. It is a result of insight and analysis of relationship dynamics. Whether you are dating or in a long-term relationship, the hero instinct is an important foundation of a healthy relationship and a meaningful life that you share. 

As long as you make the man in your life the hero in your relationship, it will take your committed relationship to the next level, if not fortify it.

How do you make a man obsessed with you?

There is no one secret formula to making a man obsessed with you. It is a combination of different things that you do as part of your everyday life and developing a personal experience that is rooted in love and appreciation. All of these things will make a man want to spend his life with you.

Does the 12-word phrase works?

It depends on you and your partner. Every relationship dynamic is unique. Therefore, it requires a different approach depending on the personality of your partner.

The 12-word phrase coined by James Bauer is just one approach that you can use. You can give it a shot to see if it works for your relationship. It is just a simplified approach that you can use on your relationship but there are other factors that can also come into play. Make sure you look at it in the big picture so that you can get the best results for your relationship.

Will the hero’s instinct improve your relationship?

Again, it depends. Every relationship is different. You can use the hero instinct approach if you want to strengthen your relationship. If you are going through a tough patch or have unsatisfying relationships, it would be best if you analyze the cause of the issues first before looking for a solution. 

If you think that the concept of the hero instinct will fill in what’s lacking in your relationship, there is no harm in trying it. It could unlock feelings and thoughts in your man that will benefit your relationship in the long run.

Lucius Nothing

Lucius has been slinging tarot cards professionally since 2014. He’s taken the tarot to places most wouldn’t think of: His best-known patrons include Torture Garden, The Dark Circus Party, Handel & Hendrix, A Curious Invitation and The Candlelight Club, where he has been resident tarot reader for the past half-decade. His writing on divination, magic and creativity has been published in Sabbat Magazine and on Medium.


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