Why cant I stop thinking about someone?
Are you experiencing obsessive thoughts about someone? Do you find it difficult to stop thinking about this person? It is not impossible to develop strong feelings for someone but there is a fine line that separates a healthy desire for a specific person and an unhealthy obsession. If you are bothered by these feelings, you can take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone in your feelings.
The worst thing is when you can’t stop thinking about someone who isn’t good for you. You know that you have to get over this person but you cannot. It leaves you questioning your own mental health. You might even start to consider working with a qualified mental health professional just so you can make sense of your personal experience and seek professional advice.
In this guide, you will learn helpful strategies when you can’t stop thinking about someone, especially when it starts to overwhelm your life and affect how you deal with your day-to-day life. Read on to learn how you can take back control of your life and feel like a new person.
The Psychology Behind Obsession
Obsession is a strong word. Most people are put off by the thought that they have become obsessed with someone. Even when it exists in your subconscious mind, you refuse to acknowledge it because not everyone thinks that they can become obsessed until it happens to them. It’s like addiction.
When you are obsessively thinking about someone, it can be a symptom of OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. You develop strong feelings and fantasies for someone that is unwanted or causes you tremendous level of distress. It’s a feeling that isn’t good for you.
Obsessive thoughts are those that recur. It does not just dwell in your thoughts but also in your dreams and in your subconscious mind. To this day, psychologists continue to unravel the causes behind an obsession. There are even theories that people who exhibit this are genetically predisposed to it. However, most people who suffer from obsession do so as a result of their life experiences.
The desire to understand obsessive thoughts in humans can become more complex once you dive into the different types of obsessions. Whatever it is, most people agree that they have negative connotations.
Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone
If your obsessive thoughts are focused on a person, it is important to come into an understanding as to why you have such strong feelings in the first place. Below are some of the reasons why you could be constantly thinking about someone and some of the ways that you can overcome these repetitive thoughts.
1. You Are Attracted to Someone
One of the reasons why you cannot stop thinking about someone is because you develop an immediate attraction towards them. This attraction toward a specific person makes you want to develop romantic feelings. Due to your romantic interest in them, they can do no wrong in your eyes.
Because of that initial spark and attraction, you desire to have them in your life. You want to be spending time with them. You attraction also makes you crave their smile, their laugh, and the way they talk.
The moment you are around them, your heart begins to race. In some cases, the clock seems to stop.
When a person feels such strong emotions, it is easy to defy logic. You allow your heart and emotions control your life. You cannot stop thinking about someone even if you wanted to because your heart rules and your brain works differently. It’s like you are starting to become a new person.
2. You Have a Strong Emotional Connection
The physical attraction is only the beginning. Your obsessive feelings and thoughts about someone could also be a result of your emotional connection to that person.
For example, you are drawn to the person and want to get to know them better. You are attached to them emotionally because you want to spend time with them. You desire for them to feel the same level of emotional attachment as you do for them.
The emotional attraction and connection could stem from you admiring their intelligence, physical beauty, or their drive.
3. You Find Them Familiar
Have you ever met someone for the first time and feel like you’ve met them before? You might have difficulty placing them but you know that there is a connection that existed before.
Familiarity is considered by a qualified mental health professional as one of the reasons why you can’t stop thinking of someone.
Familiarity is when you achieve a certain level of comfort being with or talking to someone. There is a problem, though, when you just met this person. You have that sense of familiarity in you but you are a complete stranger to them. Therefore, they are unable to reciprocate that deep sense of comfort that you have towards them. And this can drive you insane because thinking about someone who does not feel the same way is not a desirable situation.
4. Emotional or Psychological Problem
If you’re thinking about someone non-stop, then it could also be a sign of an emotional or psychological problem. Make sure to get immediate help if you have concern about this.
It is normal to desire someone and have an intense passion for them because you have romantic interest. However, there is a clear line separating passion and obsession. And it is a very thin line.
The most common diagnosis by a mental health professional for this type of human behavior is obsessive-compulsive disorder (or OCD). It’s easy to mistake your feelings for someone as affection. However, if you cannot stop thinking about someone and it starts to affect your daily life and prevents you from maintaining healthy relationships, then you should see a mental health professional.
They can help you develop the right coping skills so you can manage your emotions and obsessive feelings and thoughts.
5. You Are Lonely
Here’s your chance to be honest with yourself. Do you feel lonely? Are you feeling blue? Is this a challenging time in your life and you wish someone was there to be your confidant? If you are, then it’s probably the reason why you can’t take someone off your mind.
We’ve all been through this same situation before. You desire to share your life with someone that you obsess over them. They fill a missing void in your life.
When you meet a new person in your life, you become attached to them. You readily assume that they are ‘the one’ just because you actively seek it in your life. There is this idea that they are saving you from your loneliness.
6. You Are Drawn to Their Personality
Even if you might not be lonely or depressed, you might be constantly thinking about someone because you are drawn to their personality. It is not uncommon for people to develop strong feelings for another based on their personality. That person could be funny, charming, or humble – any positive attribute to their personality could be enough to make you interested in someone.
These traits make the person rare. It sets them apart from anybody else you’ve met before. For this reason, these traits pull you in towards them and make you curious to know more about the person.
7. You Are Obsessed
If you’ve been dating someone for a long time or you have known them for so long, it’s normal to develop romantic feelings. However, it is a sign of worrisome human behavior when you develop an obsession for someone you just met or barely even know.
What is it about this person that not everyone else sees? Why are you unable to focus on other aspects of your life because you think about this person 24/7?
You know it’s becoming unhealthy, but you cannot stop how you feel. Make sure you know when you are obsessed with someone by identifying these key indicators:
• When you constantly stalk them because you want to know more about what is going on with their life;
• When you sacrifice other relationships that you have because you’ve shifted focus on them;
• When you crave that person’s attention.
8. You Find Them Mysterious
Every person has something unique about them. One reason why you cannot stop thinking about someone is because you are trying to figure them out. You spend time to understand their personality and the unique traits about them, but to no avail.
This creates an unhealthy desire in you to unlock the reasons why you can’t get this person out of your head.
Another reason for your desire to get to know this mysterious person is because there is reward in being able to attract something that is seemingly out of reach. When someone refuses to show their feelings toward you, you crave them more because you want to be assured that they feel the same way.
The more you find a person as a challenge, the more you want to be with them.
9. You Are Curious About Them
Curiosity killed the cat. This phrase is popular for a reason – there is danger involved in exploring your curious side.
It’s the same people. When you start thinking about someone for the first time, it’s a good thing. Every long term relationship starts with a healthy amount of obsession. There is also curiosity as you try to get to know the other person better.
According to an expert relationship coach, there are two reasons why you would be curious about someone. The first reason is because you want to be liked. The second reason is that it helps you learn more about this person.
The desire to connect and to achieve a sense of belongingness is human nature. It is normal human behavior to aspire to be liked and accepted in the society. However, when your desire overrules your life to the point that you neglect your values and you develop a low self esteem, then it could be hazardous to your emotional state.
10. You Are Projecting
Projecting is one of the most interesting cases that most people would encounter. It could very well explain why you can’t stop thinking about someone. According to a qualified mental health professional and licensed psychotherapist, Karen Koenig, projection is the act of taking out any emotions or attributes about yourself that you dislike and placing it onto someone else.
For example, if you’re the type of person who dislikes being vulnerable and open to others, you are drawn to someone who is reserved and closed off from others. In short, you see yourself in them and that makes them attractive in your eyes.
You don’t often realize it when you are projecting. And that is when it can become dangerous. Be careful when you can’t stop thinking about someone and you don’t know the reason yet – this could be it.
11. You Desire Them in a Sexual Way
This is one of the obvious reasons why you might be constantly thinking of someone. It’s because you have a deep and lustful desire for them.
Desiring someone sexually is different from attraction or affection. The latter is more about the emotional connection that you have for another person whereas the former is about the physical connection.
This person could be someone you are in a past relationship with or you desire to be in a relationship with. Whichever the case may be, you are attracted to them sexually. In fact, seeing them or being around them creates a physiological reaction wherein your heart beats faster, almost to the point where it’s racing.
How to Stop Thinking About Someone – Practical Ways
Are you looking for ways to stop thinking about someone? This is an important step to regain control of your life and be open to a new relationship. Improve your coping skills and boost your self esteem if you follow these practical ways of overcoming your repetitive thoughts about someone.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
This can be hard to do but it must be done if you want to be able to move past your obsession for someone. Acknowledge that your feelings exist and that you must do something about it.
Unless you do this, you will keep having thoughts about someone. You can’t stop thinking about someone unless you realize that it has gotten to a point where it is unhealthy for you.
You can talk to a mental health professional, if you believe that they can help you better cope with your obsessive thoughts. You can also see a relationship coach, if you’re in a relationship with someone you’re having obsession with. Either way, it’s good to be able to open up about your feelings and acknowledge that they’re there instead of sweeping it under the rug.
Improve Your Mental Health
It’s also important to work on your mental health. If you are not happy and content mentally, it’s easy to develop an obsession toward another person since you are looking to them to fulfill what is missing in your life.
Accept the reality of the situation and seek out an informed professional advice. Strive for things and activities that give your mental health a break and a boost.
Pursue a New Hobby
One of the best ways to stop thinking about someone is to find a new hobby or pursue old interests. By keeping your mind busy with productive things, you can stop thinking about someone because there is no room left for them as your brain is preoccupied.
You can take up cooking classes if you want to learn how to cook. You can also try painting or a new sport. If you love traveling, then you can book a trip to somewhere new so that you can enjoy new life experiences and meet new people. You can also join community events and do volunteer work.
Avoid Social Media
It is important to avoid stalking the person on social media, if you want to stop thinking about someone. It would be unhealthy to continue following their activities on social media, even if you admit to cutting them off in your life.
Make the commitment to focus on your mental health and becoming better. Do not ruin your progress by constantly checking up on them in social media.
Appreciate the Moment
In this fast paced world, it is easy for most people to neglect the present. There is always the desire to achieve the next thing instead of pausing and enjoying the moment. Spending time to make the most of your current situation and the people in your life is a great way to stop thinking about someone.
Shift the focus towards making the most of your life rather than attempting to fill any void. It might be helpful in your quest to start anew to meditate and practice mindfulness.
Build Your Support System
Aside from going to individual therapy, it is also important to build a good support system. You can spend more time with your best friend or family members who can provide you with healthy love and boost your emotional state.
These are people that will be therefore for you during the good and challenging time in your life. New relationship and old ones may come and go, but these are the people that will be with you through thick and thin.
Boost Your Self Esteem
A low self esteem can make you prone to become obsessed and can’t stop thinking about someone. It’s because your lack of confidence and esteem can make you want to seek for outward validation.
On the other hand, when you have a healthy love for yourself and do not seek a perfect relationship to complete your life, then you are less likely to develop unhealthy feelings for someone. Stay focused on working on yourself and becoming a better, new person.
Don’t Feed Your Thoughts
It will be tough for you to get over someone if you keep thinking about them. You must first get over the person who is the object of your obsessive thoughts and feelings. Once you are over the person, it becomes easier to let go of your intense feelings for them.
If they pop into your mind, acknowledge it and then let go. Do not dwell on it. You don’t want to indulge yourself that way because it will only hinder your progress.
A gifted advisor or a qualified mental health professional is the best place to turn to when you are looking for practical ways to stop thinking about someone. They understand how relationships and the human brain works. They will be genuinely helpful when you want to develop your coping skills and gain professional advice about your feelings and life, in general.
Sign up for a therapy session with an online therapist. But most importantly, heed whatever professional advice you get and apply it to your life. You’re the only person that can help you in these situations.
You need to go on a deep dive to really know yourself. It is important to reflect inward so you can understand why you are feeling a certain way about someone.
There are many strategies you can use to do soul searching. Writing in a journal is one of them. By writing about your feelings, you will be able to confront them rather than dealing with them as abstract concepts.
It’s also a good habit to write down the things you are grateful for. By knowing what you are grateful for, you have less desire to feel complete and stop thinking about someone to be with.
Know That You’re in Control
One of the reasons why you feel trapped in your thoughts and feelings is because you assume that they have control over you, instead of the other way around. Regain your life back by also taking control over your thoughts and emotions.
It is a normal part of your life to think about someone. However, you must identify the boundary as to when it is no longer healthy for you.
Change and personal growth are a crucial part of the process to get over someone. This part won’t be easy; it might even hurt. But if you acknowledge that you hold control over your emotions and thoughts, you will not be under its power anymore.
Final Thoughts – Stop Thinking About Someone
It can be frustrating and difficult when you can’t stop thinking about someone. However, you cannot let your feelings take control of your mind. You have to start thinking positive and recognize the signs when you need immediate help.
The fact that you recognize that you cannot stop thinking about someone is a good sign. It means that you know there is a problem and that you want to find a solution. It is part of human nature to be consumed by your feelings but don’t let it consume your life for too long.
If you follow the tips above, you can begin to steer your life in the right direction. A change in mindset is all you need. If you cannot do it on your own, there is no shame in seeking informed professional advice. You can also turn to other family members or your friends for emotional support.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I constantly keep thinking about someone?
You cannot stop thinking about someone when your dopamine is triggered. This hormone is activated in response to your feelings toward a special person. This could be targeted towards someone you have known for years, or someone you just met that you develop an instant attraction for.
How do you know if someone is thinking of you constantly?
You know when someone is constantly thinking of you based on their energy vibrations. You can feel it when someone is obsessed with or has feelings for you. The intense energy is a signal that they are always thinking of you.
What does it mean when you keep thinking about someone all the time?
It could mean one of two things when you are always thinking of someone. First, it could be that you are developing intense feelings for them that are growing by the day. Second, it could be that you are growing obsessed with them.
It is important that you seek immediate help from a professional if you think that the second reason applies to your case.
What causes you to keep thinking about someone?
If you are always thinking of someone, it means that you are thinking about the potential for a new relationship or a new love. There is a brewing fantasy that you want to spend time with them and that they are the missing puzzle in your life. You have this idea that being with them will make your life complete.
How do I stop over thinking about someone?
There are several ways to get over someone and stop thinking about them. The first step is to stop making contact with them. Keeping them out of sight and out of your life will make it easy to get over them quick.
Another trick to get over someone is to stop following them on social media. Instead, you must turn to your emotional support system so that you can find fulfillment in your life without the need to seek love or acceptance from others.